Non-Monogamous & Neurodivergent Christmas

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This is an article I wrote for Jade Farrington’s “A Community Guide to a Happy Neurodivergent Christmas” eBook. You can download it for free via Jade’s Substack here, it’s full of useful tips to help support you at Christmas.

Being non-monogamous can add extra complexity to Christmas, especially if you’re neurodivergent. Here are some ideas to consider:

  • Start thinking about what’s possible early – there may be lots of conversations needed around what everyone wants to do/can do, their boundaries, expectations and priorities.
  • What do you and others need for it to feel like Christmas if it’s important to you/them (some people may care more about other holidays)? Try not to assume what others want to do. Joint polycule celebrations, even if they’re not on Christmas Day could allow more people to be included, but notice if that may be too people-y for you or others. There are so many social expectations and traditions around Christmas – remember you don’t need to stick to these, you can build whatever works for you and your loved ones.
  • If your partner(s) are elsewhere for Christmas, what may this bring up for you (for example if you’re in a hierarchical relationship and your partner is away with their primary)? Notice if you’re comparing yourself to their other partners, this may feel more prominent as the festive season can add stress. Are there other people in your social circle that you can get support from?
  • If your family doesn’t know about/approve of your relationships, what boundaries might you need to put in place with them?
  • What are your own needs? This can be a season of people-pleasing, so it’s really important to notice what you need and not over-schedule yourself. You may feel that you have to give energy to everyone, so it’s important to recognise the warning signs that you’re overdoing it. Building a self-soothing kit to use when you’re feeling dysregulated and letting others know how they can support you can help.
  • Christmas can play havoc with our routines – what do you need to include (remember transition times) and how can you communicate that with everyone involved? How do you cope with spontaneity and do others know about this? Festive plans can change quickly the more people that are involved. 
  • Do you struggle with rejection sensitivity? This may flare up around Christmas planning, especially if you can’t be with your partner(s) when you’d like to. How can you support yourself with this, and how can others help – maybe scheduled check-ins? 
  • What methods of communication work best for you and others? Could you have an agreed time to text partners, or scheduled video calls with partners and families if you’re not going to be together in person so that everyone feels included? If you struggle to remember to send/reply to messages, think about what strategies have worked in the past, for example not opening messages until you can reply to them, using phone reminders or a whiteboard.
  • Christmas can also make relationships with people you don’t like harder (especially if alcohol is involved). You may have a meta that you don’t get on with, but feel obliged to spend time with for the sake of your relationship. If things get tense, is there somewhere you can go to decompress? Try noticing if any shame spirals or rejection sensitivity are influencing your decisions.
  • The festive season can bring up hard feelings around relationships, and may bring into focus issues that you’ve been trying to avoid. It’s OK to realise you need something different but you don’t need to make sudden changes unless you feel unsafe. Take time to work through your emotions and look at what you may need going forward, for example more communication, a different relationship structure, a wider social circle.

Christmas can be wonderful and it can also be stressful and bring up all sorts of tricky emotions and situations. Try to be kind to yourself if you’re struggling, or if communication with others doesn’t go as easily as you may hope for. 

Don’t forget to download your free copy of the eBook here. Blog image is taken from the eBook.

The Complicated Mix Of Autism, ADHD & Eczema

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I originally wrote this post for the National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society’s magazine and they asked if they could use it for their blog, which was very exciting! You can see it on their website here or read it below.

Please note this was written for therapists and counsellors to understand more about working with clients with eczema alongside autism, ADHD or both.

Did you know that there are links between ADHD, autism and eczema?

I am a late-diagnosed autistic counsellor with ADHD and I have had eczema since I was a baby. Many of my clients are autistic and/or have ADHD, and I have heard so many similarities to my own story from those clients who have also had eczema. Eczema is so common but is rarely spoken about in the counselling world, and it is important that clients’ experiences of living with eczema while being autistic and having ADHD are understood.

According to the National Eczema Society, eczema affects 1 in 5 children and 1 in 10 adults. It is a dry, itchy skin condition that can affect people of all ages, on many different parts of the body. The skin can become red and inflamed, can crack and bleed and is prone to infections. Some people have small patches of eczema limited to one part of the body, for others it may be widespread, and this can change over their lifetime. The severity of eczema can change rapidly, getting worse during flares often with unpredictable triggers.

The link between childhood eczema and ADHD has been studied for over 30 years, with the risk of developing ADHD symptoms doubling for children with eczema (Loo et al., 2022). There is also a link between eczema and autism – children with atopic conditions show more severe autism symptoms, and this increases for those with eczema compared to those with asthma and hayfever (Jameson et al., 2022).

Autistic people often also have ADHD and vice versa – studies show 22-83% of autistic children also have ADHD, and 30-65% of children with ADHD are also autistic (Ronald et al., 2008; Sokolova et al., 2017). Adults with eczema have a high chance of also living with anxiety and depression, are almost 50% more likely to have OCD, and those with mild and moderate eczema have a higher risk of suicide (Wan et al., 2024).This means that clients with ADHD, autism and eczema may also be struggling with a long list of mental health problems.

Eczema often has a significant effect on a client’s life, and for autistic people and those with ADHD, this can be especially complex.  For autistic people, the sensory impact of having to apply creams and lotions can be overwhelming, and the itchiness of the eczema can lead to feeling overstimulated. Clothing that was previously “safe” can become unwearable if it aggravates or sticks to patches of eczema, and soothing items such as weighted blankets can be too hot – a potential trigger for eczema flares. Scratching and skin picking can become self-stimulating repetitive behaviours (“stims”) and can also be linked to body focussed repetitive behaviours such as dermatillomania which can develop with eczema.

The impulsivity often related to ADHD can make it much harder for eczema sufferers to stop scratching, resulting in increased skin damage. The itchiness affects focus, which may lead to problems at school or work. Eczema can also be extremely challenging when combined with executive functioning difficulties – treatment often relies on consistency such as keeping to a schedule of how many times a week to apply ointment. For severe eczema, there can be a significant amount of medical admin such as chasing GP appointments, attending hospital several times a week for phototherapy, keeping track of blood tests. Medication for ADHD can help some and hinder others – it can help with self-care routines and lowering the urge to scratch, but can also lead to dehydration which can trigger eczema flares.

Sleep is often a problem for people with eczema due to the itchiness, and lack of sleep can trigger a flare-up. Unfortunately sleep problems are also common for autistic people and those with ADHD, which means finding suitable strategies can be more complex than for neurotypical people.

Emotional dysregulation is often a feature of autism and ADHD. Intense emotional experiences can lead to picking and scratching as soothing mechanisms which damage the skin, causing pain and distress despite temporary relief. Anxiety and stress often increase the severity of eczema, and eczema in itself often causes stress, due to the pain, itching and all-too-frequent childhood bullying and social isolation, compounding that already often experienced by neurodivergent people. 

References:

Jameson, C., Boulton, K. A., Silove, N., and Guastella, A. J. (2022). ‘Eczema and related atopic diseases are associated with increased symptom severity in children with autism spectrum disorder.’, Translational psychiatry, 12(1).

Loo, E. X. L., Ooi, D. S. Q., Ong, M., Ta, L. D. H., Lau, H. X., Tay, M. J. Y., Yap, Q. V., Chan, Y. H., Tham, E. H., Goh, A. E. N., Van Bever, H., Teoh, O. H., Eriksson, J. G., Chong, Y. S., Gluckman, P., Yap, F. K. P., Karnani, N., Xu, J., Tan, K. M. L., Tan, K. H., Lee, B. W., Kramer, M., Shek, L., Meaney, M. J. and Broekman, B. F. P. (2022). ‘Associations Between Eczema and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Symptoms in Children.’, Frontiers in pediatrics, 10:837741.

National Eczema Society (no date) Who we are. Available at: https://eczema.org/what-we-do/who-we-are/ (Accessed: 20 August 2025).

Ronald, A., Simonoff, E., Kuntsi, J., Asherson, P. and Plomin, R. (2008). ‘Evidence for overlapping genetic influences on autistic and ADHD behaviours in a community twin sample.’, Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry and Allied Disciplines, 49, pp.535-542.

Sokolova, E., Sluiter-Oerlemans, A., Rommelse, N. N., Groot, P., Hartman, C., Glennon, J., Claassen, T., Heskes, T. and Buitelaar, J. (2017). ‘A Causal and Mediation Analysis of the Comorbidity Between Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)’, Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(6), pp.1595–1604. Wan, J., Wang, S., Shin, D. B., Syed, M.N., Abuabara, K., Lemeshow, A. R. and Gelfand, J. M. (2024). ‘Neuropsychiatric disorders in adults with atopic dermatitis: A population-based cohort study’, J Eur Acad Dermatol Venereol, 38, pp.543–548.

Are you a counsellor or therapist wanting to learn more about eczema? I offer consultation sessions around working with adults with eczema, find out more here. You can also buy my eBook “Counselling Adults With Eczema” here.

Autumn Covid-Conscious Therapeutic Support Group

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Are you Covid-conscious and looking for some extra support?

I’m running my therapeutic support group for UK people who take precautions against Covid in their day-to-day lives again this Autumn.

This is an 8 week group facilitated by me, running on Zoom on Mondays 6-7:30pm from September 8th.

(Can’t make those dates? Sign up to my group mailing list to get info on future groups)

Potential topics include:

  • Relationships with friends & family
  • Processing grief, loss & anger
  • Building community
  • Stress related to decisions around risk
  • Self-care strategies

Interested? You can find out more here.

Covid-Conscious Therapeutic Support Group

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Image showing graphics of 2 people in masks. Text says "Still Coviding. Therapeutic Support Group For The UK Covid-Conscious Community"

New! Therapeutic support group for UK people who take precautions against Covid in their day-to-day lives.

This is an 8 week group facilitated by me, running on Zoom on Mondays 6-7:30pm from June 23rd.

(Can’t make those dates? Sign up to my group mailing list to get info on future groups)

Potential topics include:

  • Relationships with friends & family
  • Processing grief & loss
  • Building community
  • Stress related to decisions around risk
  • Self-care strategies

Does this sound like a good fit for you or someone you know? If so, you can find out more here.

Therapeutic Groups Training

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Certificate showing Facilitating Therapeutic Groups training via Creative Counsellors

Earlier this month I completed a 3-day training in Facilitating Therapeutic Groups with Creative Counsellors. I used to run mental health support groups in previous jobs and it was so inspiring to see people grow in confidence, support each other and realise they weren’t alone in their struggles. I’ve wanted to bring group work into my private practice for a while, and I’m really looking forward to getting started.

More news on this soon!

Clinical Supervision Qualification

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I’m really pleased to announce that earlier this month I completed my Clinical Supervisor training. I’ve really enjoyed learning about supervision and working with supervisees to gain my qualifying hours.

My areas of interest for clinical supervision are ADHD & autism, eczema & other chronic Illness and Covid-conscious clients. I also really enjoy working with neurodivergent therapists. I have experience of working with survivors of domestic abuse and other trauma, and I’ve worked in private practice, agencies and EAPs.

If you’re interested in supervision with me (ad-hoc or ongoing), I’d love to hear from you – you can find out more here.

    I also offer support for counsellors working with adults with eczema, you can read about this here.

    Mental Health Tips Part 2

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    Here are some more mini mental health tips – I hope you find them helpful. You can find part one here.

    It’s really easy (and natural) to concentrate on the negatives and beat ourselves up for the things we feel we’ve done wrong. It can be hard to remember the good things when we’re feeling low or overwhelmed.

    Why not try creating a positive feedback file to collect good feedback from others and things you’re proud about? This could be notes on your phone, an email folder or a physical container. You could set a reminder to look at it on a regular basis or add it to a list of things to try when you’re struggling.

    Do you find it hard to untangle racing thoughts, or find you’re having so many thoughts at once that you can’t pin them down? It’s definitely something my ADHD brain struggles with at times.

    It can help to write your thoughts down to get them out of your head, see them more clearly and investigate any patterns. This could be in a physical journal or on a notes app on your phone. You could also try voice notes or talking them through with a trusted person or pet.

    I’m a big fan of the Finch self-care app. I recommend it to lots of people if they like cute things and are struggling with their mental health or executive functioning. I tend to lose interest in apps really quickly and I’ve been using this one for over a year.

    The app lets you set up goals (especially around self-care, but you can use this for anything) and rewards you with rainbow stones, you can use these to buy outfits for your cartoon bird in the app or furniture for its room. You can send encouragement to friends who are using the app in a really low-effort way, great for days when you are running out of spoons but still want connection. There are also various exercises
    to help your mental health such as breathing and grounding techniques.

    It can be really hard for those of us with ADHD to stay consistent, we often start things with the best of intentions (a journalling practice, a fitness routine, a newsletter) and then beat ourselves up when we don’t manage to stick to it.

    It’s much more helpful to aim to be persistent – adapt what you’re doing to match your interest and energy level so you can pick it up again when you’ve missed a few days or weeks. It’s also fine to realise that your current goal is no longer something you want to do and pivot to something that fits you better.

    These tips are all from my newsletter which also contains recommendations and bonus cuteness! You can sign up to my mailing list below.

    I’m in a magazine!

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    My Yay flag embroidery has been featured in the National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society’s “Counselling Matters” magazine, in their Creative Collection 2024 edition which is really exciting! It contains lots of great artwork, poetry and articles – you can view the rest of the magazine here: https://magazine.ncps.com/books/qioz/#p=1

    I wave my Yay flag whenever I do anything that I want to congratulate myself for, no matter how small. This really helps with motivation and self-esteem. This project was inspired by a tutorial by Shannon Downey from Badass Cross Stitch: https://www.patreon.com/posts/felt-yay-flag-113010754.

    Do you take the time to congratulate yourself when you’ve done something hard? This might be something like writing an essay, and on hard days it might be getting out of bed. It’s really common for people to compare themselves unfavourably to others, or to what they used to be able to do, and not celebrate their current achievements. Why not create your own Yay flag?

    Mental Health Tips

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    Here are some mini mental health tips – I hope you find them helpful.

    When was the last time you did something just for yourself?
    It can be really hard to prioritise ourselves, especially when we’re busy or if we have people-pleasing tendencies. It’s so important to learn what we like outside of other people’s influences, and treat ourselves as a priority or at least as equal as others.
    Try starting small – maybe buy yourself a small treat, or spend half an hour reading a book or listening to a podcast. By implementing small self-care steps, we can improve our self-esteem and confidence by teaching ourselves that we matter.

    Are you feeling overwhelmed and like you’re juggling too many balls?
    Try working out which of those balls are rubber and will therefore be ok if you drop them, or glass which means they have to be done. I realise that rubber balls can eventually turn into glass balls!
    This can be a good way to prioritise and give yourself some mental and emotional space.

    I was watching Tom Daley knitting at the Olympics and reflecting on how many of us have hobbies and interests but feel they’re not important or are “silly”.
    Tom started knitting to help him “unwind and be more mindful”. Hobbies can be great for this, as well as giving us a sense of purpose and enjoyment. It can be easy to prioritise activities that we feel are more productive and that we feel we “should” be doing, but there are so many benefits to doing what we enjoy. It also counts as a type of rest, which can help us avoid burnout.
    How can you bring more of your hobbies and interests into your everyday life?

    You’ve probably heard of the inner critic, but have you heard of the inner cheerleader or inner nurturer? It’s really common to believe what the inner critic tells us, but the inner cheerleader/nurturer can give us a more compassionate, positive view of ourselves. It can be helpful to try to visualise them – what do they look like and sound like?
    Why not start trying to recognise where unkind, critical thoughts are coming from your inner critic and ask yourself what your inner cheerleader or nurturer would say to you?

    These tips are all from my (mostly) fortnightly newsletter which also contains recommendations and bonus cuteness! Subscribers get a free Grounding Techniques resource and an exclusive discount in my Payhip shop. You can sign up to my mailing list here.